Ever have those? I do occasionally… Not as much as I did during my misspent youth, though, but I do still encounter a doozy now and then. I suppose it comes from too much ‘auto-pilot’ activity… By that I mean acting or reacting more or less without conscious thought about what I’m doing… going through the motions out of habit, routine. I had another one yesterday morning…

I’ve done it untold thousands of times… I awaken in the morning and wonder if it’s daylight… it almost never is. I get up anyway, because of the ultimatum being issued by my bladder… It’s the one where I’m informed that a discharge is imminent; however, if I act quickly, I can still determine where it occurs… the only choice is where, not if…

Once that is handled, the first real choice confronts me… should I return to the warm bed, or just stay up. I decided to just stay up yesterday, so I dressed, went downstairs, and into the kitchen. I’d made the coffee ready the evening before, as usual, so I pushed the button, turned on my smart box, and headed for the patio door… just like I usually do…

I put on my jacket and cap, twisted the door knob and continued… Found my seat in the dark, fired up, and cast my gaze out at the barely visible trees silhouetted against the quite dim gray sky beyond… morning would be another hour, I reckoned…

This is quality time for this now ‘morning person’. I really enjoy just sitting there, alone in the dark, letting my mind free-wheel in that wondrous ‘Beta state’ … the interval between being sound asleep and fully awake.

Sometimes I reflect upon things that have been just below the surface gnawing at my subconscious recently, other times I consider all that must be addressed this new day, but always random thoughts that just pop up… no structure or forced focus… that will come soon enough.

Brrrrr, rather chilly this new day, and I was under-dressed for a lengthy ponder session anyway. OK, time for some magical ebony fluid so the cob-web clearing process could continue…

I grabbed the door knob to re-enter the house and… what? Damned thing was locked!!! Oh crap! I quickly checked my pockets for the key… no joy! How is that possible? I then mentally retraced the sequence of recent events that had led up to this unhappy circumstance…

Nick is still in the hospital, so I’d done a couple of loads of laundry, including his dirty clothes hamper and bed linens, plus my own things… Because I wanted to do it all at the same time and in as few loads as possible, I’d changed into my shorts so the jeans I’d had on could also be washed… I can be so efficient sometimes…

Well, when finished washing and drying, I folded everything, then packed my stuff, all but what I’d be wearing the following day, into my travel bag… I still didn’t know when I might be riding off, but I like to be prepared for any sudden impulse or whim… The contents of my pockets were all neatly organized just like I always arrange them… on the counter… still on the counter…

I reckon one could argue it is a safety feature, but who really knows. Anyway, the door knobs on all of Nick’s exterior doors will turn normally on the inside whether or not the door is actually locked. In order to avoid my then current circumstance, one must actually check the position of the twist knob or otherwise ensure they are not locking themselves out… an easily overlooked miniscule detail when operating on auto-pilot…That explained my situation… but it didn’t help it… Now what? I sat down again… it was now time to begin some focused, structured thought…

I looked in all the places folks often hide spare keys… under mats, on nearby ledges and shelves, under do-dads on shelves… nothing. I then began to consider having to break-in… Dang, I didn’t look forward to first having to explain all this to my cousin lying in a hospital bed all pale and sickly looking, and already dealing with enough stressful stuff… I also dreaded having to spend the next couple of days having the door replaced, then having to pay for all that!

And, what if the neighbors heard me…? I then rehearsed my explanation to the cops when they eventually drew-down on me and had me ‘assume the position’… Dang, this sure seems a most severe punishment for such a tiny oversight, I thought to myself, as I fought hard to avoid summer-salting down the slippery slope of self-pity…

I picked up a propane tank on the patio next to the grill… Yep, that should be enough heft to get me in, but I surely didn’t want to set that and all it would entail into motion… I sat down and began to think some more… It seemed even cooler by then than it had when I’d first emerged onto the patio, and I was starting to think the break-in option may have to be employed soon.

I wondered if I could remain on the patio until after daylight, then impose upon one of the neighbors to let me contact a locksmith…? That seemed a viable thought at that, so… I longingly peered through the window at the coffee now ready, my smart box, the clothes for today lying right where I’d placed them, my cell phone, all my pocket contents lying there on the counter… I could actually see the needed key! I imagined I could smell the aroma of those special mountain grown beans so meticulously selected by Juan Valdez… Dang it all anyway!!! This just ain’t right!

I returned to the rocker to think some more… and to brood some more, too… Hmmmm, I’ve heard Nick mention his next door neighbor many times. He is a retired Marine Corps pilot and a really great guy, I’d been told.

They would check each other’s mail when gone, and they even had keys to their respective houses… Could it be? The way things had been going so far that day, I doubted it… But, it would certainly be worth a try before bashing in a door or waiting on a locksmith – assuming I could even get one to come out on Sunday…

I made my way in the dark through the jungle of vegetation and decorative plants to the neighbor’s front door and rang the bell… nothing… Hmmm, they’re probably off visiting grandkids someplace, but it is still quite early… I’ll try again in a while… I returned to the rocker… Surely the cops will be along any minute… better go over my story again…

Dawn finally arrived, and my legs were really feeling the chill… OK, let’s try the neighbor again… I rang the doorbell thinking this was probably a futile effort, but it had to be tried anyway… at least I could tell Nick I’d exhausted that sensible option before ruining his back door… The front porch light came on, and I nearly wet my pants!!!

This brawny, manly looking figure appeared in the doorway as he opened it, and I looked for a weapon soon to be pointed at my face… Nope, his hands were empty… He was wearing only gym shorts, but he was a good-sized dude, and he appeared more fit than this mere refugee from the toils of sedentary labor. I began babbling like a caught-red-handed juvenile spilling his guts to the imposing authority-figure with the inquiring frown on his face…

“Where’s Nick,” he asked? In the hospital… “Why? Come on in, I do have a key here someplace…” WOW! I suddenly felt relief at least as great as making it to the potty just in time when dealing with a hugely elevated pooperosity level!

“Here, try these…” Mo had a collection of a dozen or more keys… none labeled. I told him he used a method of keeping track very much like mine. I have a similar number of unmarked keys on a large ring in my shaving kit… When in need, I just start trying keys until one works… I left to go try the ones he’d handed me… None worked.

Back to his house, where I discovered he had found a few more… I left again and gave them a try… nope. I returned them to him, and he informed me he had found one more, and that I should go try it… It worked!!! WOW!!! Life was suddenly oh so good again!!! Mo is far too big and tough looking to hug or anything, so I let a handshake and sincere ‘thanks’ suffice…

It sure felt good to pour that first cup o’ Joe… at last! It tasted better than any I’ve had in recent memory… I put my own key in my pocket, too… I’m also considering a neck-strap or chain to wear that key twenty-four/seven…

Disclaimer: No property or animals were injured in the making of this misadventure.